Honestly dating is a crock of sh*t. I separated from my son’s father in 2019 (just before COVID, praise the Lord) and honestly and very naively thought dating would be easy. I was 29 and clearly hadn’t dated in a very long time, never been on the apps and had zero clue what ‘ghosting’ was, but boy did I learn. How do you even meet people if you don’t go online? Saying that I did actually meet someone on a train once, although that led to more of a restraining order than a relationship. Meeting people online was also a totally new ball game to me, how do you even know they are real? Or worse what if they are a serial killer? Don’t get me wrong I love a good true crime doc, but I’d like to stick to watching than partaking.
As a single mother I was also not prepared to step into not only the manic London dating scene, but furthermore how archaic many views still were. Apparently only men leave women (poor me 🙄) and do all my kids have the same father or am I pulling a Ulrika 4×4. Do I have even have a job – as if I’m some sort of Vicky Pollard wannabe swapping my child for a Westlife CD.
Fast forward through a Lockdown Penpal, a Lockdown relationship, a parade of finance wankers, some unforgettable-for-all-the-wrong-reasons sex, many 6-foot porkie pie tellers, with a generous dash of my own commitment issues, and voilà—3 years later, I was still single, wondering if “the one” was just a myth… like a gym membership you actually use or those mystical people who don’t get hangovers.
Queue Harry* entering my life – ta-da!
Bumble was my dating app of choice, though I was hopeless at it. My go-to opener was a thrilling ‘Hey!’—because I couldn’t be bothered, and in hindsight, it’s no surprise I barely matched with anyone. I was also terrible at replying before those 24-hour matches expired. Thank god for Harry’s patience. And, thank god again for his patience, because I was slightly hungover on our first crazy golf date. I’d been partaking in a boozy Halloween assault course the night before, probably a story for another day, but being highly competitive I took both the drinking and assault course very seriously.
It was refreshing to meet someone with kids, who’d been through similar experiences (though he was married and I wasn’t). We both had long-term relationships behind us and totally understood the wild ride of co-parenting. What we didn’t realize was how much crazier it gets when you throw two more people into the mix. Ex-partners suddenly change when new partners arrive on the scene. In an ideal world, we’d all move on at the same time, be super happy, and that’s the end of it. But nope—when Harry moved on, things definitely shifted. Add in my ex breaking up with his girlfriend (they are back together now thankfully) just as Harry entered the picture, and it became… well, a bit of a sh*tshow to put it lightly.
Honestly, if it had been anyone else, I’m not sure either of us would’ve stuck around. We actually laughed the other day about how, for the first 6 months of our relationship, I barely ate. And when I did, well, it pretty much made a swift exit within the hour. I even went to a private doctor to figure out what mystical disease was wrecking me… turns out it was just the wonderful anxiety and stress.
Now, while I want this blog to be light hearted and fun, I also want it to be real. And my weight loss and stress were very real. Part of it came from past trauma and learning to trust someone again with my feelings, but a big chunk was the pressure of dealing with exes and kids in a new relationship. There were some dark moments, a lot of heartfelt tears, and even a few panic attacks all around.
But honestly, it probably brought us closer than anything else could. So, no, this isn’t meant to scare you off—just make sure you’re in it with the right person. Whether you have kids yourself or not, dating a DILF, or to put it politely a gentleman with children from a previous relationship, comes with many many pros but also difficulties. Despite having a child myself, I still went in totally blind to the added layers of complexity there is dating someone with children and to be totally frank so did Harry. Whilst you may have moved on, the children might not have. Although totally ok to give them a gentle nudge, I find bribery also works wonders.
But anyway, enough of the seriousness back to the DILF part. Harry is most certainly a 6ft 4 DILFALICIOUS hunk and we definitely took advantage of the child free time that fortunately/unfortunately a separation grants you. I think this is super key – you really do need to take that time to get to know each other properly, still have those early stage butterflies and honeymoon phase. Totally recommend Sundays where you don’t leave the bedroom, but also do boring mundane things (yawn I know) where you learn a lot about each other – like food shopping, car washes and holidays – a week or even a few days with someone solidly tells you a lot. Piss each other off, drunk girl cry and buy some snazzy lingerie (for yourself, not him). B*tch about his ex to your mates, maybe even purchase a dart board. Get sh*tfaced and dance. One of my favourite dates with Harry was actually scootering around bar hopping (probably highly illegal) but it was super fun and super silly – also known as Wine Wednesday.
Anyway, here we are, 2 years down the line. Mortgage, 3 kids between us, 1 (soon to be 2) dogs and sh*t loads of booze and therapy.
*names changed
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